The Indian Dream

Common Name: Indian
Proper Name: Non Residentus Indianus
Category: Immigrant, IT professional
Growth Rate: Physically sideways, financially upwards and mentally stagnant
Origin: The great Indian subcontinent
Main characteristic: Confused

Other Characteristics : This category of human species is rapidly growing all around the world, especially in conducive environments i.e. English speaking countries which happen to have fledgling immigrant (read Indian,preferably speaking the same language) communities. They tend to take root very easily and are always on the lookout for similar species. They try to make the space around them resemble their place of origin so as to minimize their interaction with the native species.

Most feared characteristic: They often tend to lapse into nostalgia and speak fondly of their place of birth or where they grew up. The signs of this condition beginning to set in during a conversation are glazed eyes, staring at nothing in particular, mouth setting into a slight smile and a slow,deep sigh. As soon as one or more of these signs are spotted collect your belongings and run for the nearest exit !!

If not: If you are one of the first timers, then you will have to sit/stand through at least 30 minutes of paeans being sung about their place of birth,school(s) they went to, their first friend and teacher in kindergarten,days spent running around in the hot sun drinking tender coconut water,eating aloo tikki and samosas, first,second and third cousins, aunts,uncles and in-laws being remembered with love although back home they fight over why they were not invited personally to their kids' birthdays, parents reaching 60/80 years, and why they weren't greeted for their anniversaries. You would also learn that this year would be their last year in that country.

Impact: If you are someone who has never visited India(or the subcontinent) then this nostalgic trip down the memory lane will prompt you to take the next flight and land on this magical,utopian land where everyone loves everyone.

How to resist: Talk to the same person the next day about any recent scam/terrorist attack/state of the traffic/population etc and see the Indian dream come crashing down and how suddenly nothing good can come to "that country" and "those people".

George Orwell and Indian temples

A completely chanceful stumble on this delightfully engaging essay by George Orwell “The Moon Under Water “ made my keyboard keys clutter after a very long interval on an entirely unrelated topic.

I would suggest to anyone who is reading this to read the said Orwell’s essay first (no, not to pick on this) to understand the trigger for this blog.

I love going to temples. I’m not one of the temple fanatics (if there is such an expression) who are obsessive about visiting every single temple in their vicinity. By a temple I mean everything from a grand,old,1000 year old one to the “ Theru mukku Pillaiyar Kovils”,  to the neem trees streaked with so much sandalwood paste that you wouldn’t be wrong in mistaking them for sandalwood trees. More the merrier they’d say!!

What irks me is when the same “more the merrier” idea is applied to the number of deities in a temple. I steer clear of temples with so many obscurely named deities whose names barely register in my mind. I stare in disbelief when somebody comes up to me barely able to contain his/her excitement  and rattles off the names of 10 different deities and say that there is a new temple around the corner with all of them and so one can get all the blessings at the same time.I think this trend started around the time when the idea of going to a temple changed from feeling peaceful to literally counting your blessings.  

Here is what most temples feel like. Some of them make me feel like I’m standing in a bathroom because the management decided that the weary old stone floor has to be replaced with shiny and gaudy bathroom tiles. Some others make me feel like I’m entering a zoo or a museum with their caged waiting rooms and queues enclosed within iron bars. Passing through the deities with their special powers advertised makes me feel like I’m in a detergent aisle of a supermarket. Finally a temple with 10 different gods with 100 levels of power makes me think I’m watching a Bollywood multi starrer.

If anyone knows of one temple that is old, with beautiful sculptures, with only the main god and goddess, a kind and pleasant priest who remains so no matter how much lands on his plate, which has a corner where I can sit ,close my eyes and lose myself to the mystery of the universe without the fear of being jostled , feels cool and smells divine no matter how hot it is and how foul it smells outside and makes me feel that not everything is wrong with the world after all, I should be glad to hear of it, even if it is situated in some far flung, remote corner of the country. The scene may differ, but the yearning is the same.

Heart Breakers

I didn't believe people cried. I didnt believe that they were heartbroken when they left their babies in the care of strangers. I have heard stories but still all I could see was my tears, my pain and my heart being broken every time he cried, every time I left him screaming in some one else's arms and I was asked to just leave and close the door.

I saw it today. I saw the tears of a heartborken mother going back to her car just as I was leaving.She was fighting her tears, trying hard to swallow them. I stopped for a moment and looked at her. I wanted to hug her and say that it'll be allright,that things will get better. But I couldn't. How could I, when things are still not better for me. He still cries every morning when we drop him. Just when he seems to settle down, he catches some bug or the other, last week it was the vomiting bug then it is conjunctivits. Cough and cold are permanent residents of his body. So I just stood there hoping she'll be allright.

Oh, if only there was a balm for broken hearts !!

The List of the Unfathomable

Okay, here is the thing. I know he is a baby, and he is only 11 months old and he still doesnt understand adult world, still I cannot understand for the life of me why kids do (its not just my kid right?? oh please please say its just not him !!) the things they do . I guess I should cut him some slack for the very reason that I'm as confounded about baby world as he is about adult world. Anyway, a sample few from the exhaustive list of things he does to that drive me mad.

1. He is having his milk. He is all drowsy to the point of letting the milk leak from his mouth. Just when I begin to plan the million and one things that have been pending for as long as I can remember, he jumps up, throws the bottle aside and starts pushing the bar stool like a walker (you heard me right, a real heavy, bar stool).
2. I hold off on peeing for as long as I can,because I dread what comes after that, and when I can hold it no longer, I hand him over to his dad and enter the bathroom. He starts screaming and is having a meltdown, beacause apparently moms enter the toilet and escape through the hole into a land free from diapers and screaming babies never to return , right ?? So I keep talking to him from inside the toilet while peeing, and I dont think I can have a panic free pee, ever, even when he is not around !!
3.I feed him,change his nappy and hand him his favourite toy. Still, the moment he sees me sitting down with a meal, he dashes across the room ,pulls my legs, climbs up and starts playing with my plate. If there was one thing I hate to be pushed on, that was eating and now I eat standing, half sitting - half walking , half running . Speaking of which, I'm desperately trying to remember what I had for my last meal !!
4. Time it takes to microwave a coffee/tea= 1 minute
Possibility of the baby deciding to touch an electric socket, escape through the kitchen door and climb the stairs, shake the 40 inch TV, stumble,fall and cry or just plain "life me up this minute" cry at the very same minute - 100 %!!
No of times a coffee/tea can be microwaved before it loses any semblance of flavour or taste = umm, can't remember .
Chances of gulping down the said cold and lifeless coffee/tea after "accidentally" finding it , instead of throwing it down the drain - 200%

PS: Not the end ...

One

My dear little sunshine,

I see you and lose my sense of self.
I see you go through life like there is no tomorrow and I hope tomorrow will be a better place to be.
I hear you laugh and feel what real mirth is.
I feel your hug and know what it is to love someone truly unconditionally.
I see you delight at little things and realize that it doesn't take much to be happy.
I see you explore and realize what keeps us truly alive.
I see you stumble,fall,cry but never let your little self tire and wonder at the force of life.

As you go out into the big bad world, I fear for you.
Not because you will fail, but because you'll be made to fear failure.
Not because you will laugh out loud, but because it will sneer at your laughter.
Not because you will cry, but because you'll be called weak and made to hold your tears.

Whenever that happens just tell them this.

Life is not easy,it was never meant to be. The tears make you laugh louder , the fall makes you jump higher.

As you turn one,here is wishing that every time you fall , you rise higher and stronger than before.

Love
mamm mamm mamma (that's how you call me now)

PS: If ever you find this, please remind me to read it, atleast once, everyday !!
PPS: He turns 1 next month.(I might as well write one for his 18th birthday!! )

The first kiss of love

He kissed me.

It was not a lick, or a peck, nor a painful bite,

It was a kiss.

The sweetest and purest form of love.

Not once but twice,

As if to say ,

That it was indeed what it was.

To say any more ,

Would mean to distort its purity.

In Byron's words

"When age chills the blood, when our pleasures are past

For years fleet away with the wings of the dove
The dearest remembrance will still be the last,
Our sweetest memorial, the first kiss of love."

The little devil

He bites, spits and screams his head off,

He kicks, scratches and refuses to lie down,

He wriggles,pees and makes me feel helpless,

Just when I throw up my hands in exhaustion,

He snuggles and flashes one of his fleeting sleep grins,

And I lay there besotted for life,

The little devil sure knows his tricks !!

The wait...

I wait for the day you'll enter this world, kicking and screaming
I see a rainbow and imagine how you'll stare at it wide eyed the first time you see one
There is a snow fall and the ground is carpeted in white
The sun comes out and for a moment it looks like there are diamonds on the ground
How I wish you could see that.
I wonder if these things would even make sense to you
Will you snuggle with me on a rainy night and spin out imaginary tales
Or just dismiss me as an incurable romantic...
ah..the wait ..

Moral science class

Do you remember those unending moral science lessons we used to have at school? The ones where there was always a moral of the story at the end and how the teacher tried all the tricks just stopping short of drilling a hole into your brain and stuffing into it.

Well,our dear,kind and well meaning friends from bollywood, Karan Johar (with a 'K') and Shahrukh (marketing) Khaaann (from the epiglotis) decided that all eez infact not well with the world (as the other khan said),and that it was time the world got its moral science lesson from no less than the self proclaimed moral men of the hindi movie industry !!

And so they set upon in their mission of making "save the world " sorry, "my name is khan" (although the former suits it better). Now there is nothing wrong in making feel good movies or movies that are made to send home a message.

But when every scene in the movie(right from the titles) begins and ends with a "moral of the scene " narrated by no less than moral khan himself in that droning,flat voice for 3 hours I seriously begin praying for superman (cue:Homer simpson) to save me.Agreed that the leading man is autistic and that he cannot feel emotions,but how on earth does he wish that he could cry like his brother does? I mean, isn't that an emotion for god's sake ??

Picture this: Moral khan is in the middle of a busy road (in US of A) and suddenly gets a panic attack. He is on a tram track and the speeding tram just stops short of ramming into him. Everyone gets out and crowds around the man making him panic even more. Time for introduction of lady love. What does she do? Does she physically move him to the other side of the road and calm him down? Does she offer him water? No,people,this is a KKKaran johar movie. So out comes miss smarty pants and goes about offering a lecture on courage,facing life,struggling through life and basically all that an autistic man caught in he middle of the road in a panic attack doesn't want to hear. Now that is a master directorial touch.

After 30 minutes of sitting through this torture, I started feeling as if I was sitting on a chair waiting to be electrocuted. The endless phoenetic lessons on how to pronounce "Khan" didn't help much in reducing the pain.

So I'm off now to make my prayashcithams that my josiyar advised me to fulfill to wash off the sin.
3 back to back viewings of "Rain man" and one full reading of class V moral science book.

PS: Appeal to KKaran Johar. Please go back to making your "Krap" movies. Yes,they were no better,but at least I didn't end up feeling like stabbing the first living thing I saw !!

PPS:Mr.Saarukhan,we loved you as Rahul,Raj,Jai romancing in Alps. If that and the fact that you've been around from my school days have give you so much confidence that you can unleash such torture upon us, I take back all those wolf whistles,crushes etc that I had once upon a time.
Experience cannot in any way make up for talent. And that is the reason we love Rajinikanth. He sticks to what he does best,punch dialogues and feel good movies. Thalaivar vaazhga !!( ok that was unnecessary,but who cares ;-) )

Why Oh Why ??

Why is it that in most Indian movies the hero always has a side kick who exists mainly to provide comic relief,but also doubles up (or quadruples should I say) as a friend,philosopher and guide to the main man,while the poor leading lady is left all alone fending for herself.

So this is what I want to ask the "directors" even all those multiplex centred,shooting in abroad,yash raj,karan johar financed, yuppie ones !!

1.I agree you are a man (straight or gay,I don't care), and you can only think from a male perspective.But then stop saying that this is a "woman centric" movie and the woman has a "meaty"role.

2.When a guy is independent and career oriented,he still has a few at least sensible/not so sensible friends whom he can share a laugh with. When a girl is independent,she generally has no friends to start with or immediately lets go off all her friends to prove a point.why ?? I mean even the most arrogant,self centred,self obsessed women would need a few arrongant, self centred friends.

3.Why do the few friends that the girl seem to have always have to act so retarded and always seem to be in eternal fits of giggling. Yes,we girls giggle. In fact during college years we have attracted numerous raised eyebrows,and shaking heads during our gigglathons. But guys grow up !! This kind of stereo typing is as stupid as showing all guys as lecherous, rogues fantasizing about females all the time. But we know you are not that ..at least not always,right ?

The Curse

Her fears,tears and hesitations were not only hers. Her imaginations and dreams were not only hers. They were the same as so many others. So many others who were born along the same time as her, carrying the curse, the curse of cancerians. The curse that they have to brood about their past to the extent that they can never see the future. That they have to wallow in self doubt and insecurity making them hate themselves. That they will always try to please everyone and try becoming someone that they are not,that they can never be and end up being no one, not even their own self. That they wet their pillows fearing their future and worrying over the past and not enjoy the present.

They were not a passionate breed, they never really chased anything or anyone with passion. Little things comforted them and they got distracted easily.Even the disappointment of non achievement didn't fire them up. Though it haunted them, till their grave.

It had taken her so long to realize this. This omnipresent truth that there were millions like her in this world who have made decisions,taken initiatives only to see their self doubt completely take over themselves and make them go back into their shell.But she had also realized this.This other more powerful truth about the ones who have succeeded,probably not in the eyes of the world but in their own eyes.Succeeded in breaking self made barriers.

She was one of those brooders... forever covering herself in self pity. Forever blaming the whole world for all that she could have been but was not.But she had had enough. Enough of her tears, fears and hesitations. She could take no more of herself, at least her old pitiable, weepy self. She wanted to break free and see what the world looked like outside her shell.

And that she did. But not before burying it safely , just in case ...

musaafir hoon yaaron...

musaafir hoon yaaron,
na ghar hai, na thikana,
mujhe chalthe jaana hai,
bas chalthe jaana...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nCi5kwD1Y8

Ring in the new ...

Trying out a new look for the blog. Hoping to try out diferent ones in the coming days . It's summer after all (well, we do get to see quite a lot of the "sun" ). Just changed the template today, got to do a few more changes later on. Hold your breath ;-)

Hail Dustin Hoffman

Just as a "prayashchitham" (can't remember the exact word in English) for y'day's 3 hours crap in the name of movie, I went on to watch that one movie I've been wanting to watch since the day I discovered Dustin Hoffman .. "Kramer vs Kramer". No words are enough for this film or the man. He is a truly a wizard ., and he keeps you spell bound when he is on screen. I've often caught myself gaping at the screen forgetting to blink.

It was "Tootsie" that introduced me to his artistry. (Yep the hollywood avvai shanmughi along with Mrs.Doubtfire ). You have to watch him for just the ease in which he flip flops between the male and female characters and the dead pan humour. Classic !!
And then of course , "The Rainman". How interesting could you make a character that can feel no emotions?? No laughter,no tears, no anger..nothing.Just a smile once in a while, ohhh..and still you could watch him for 120 mins without even realizing it.

And now, Kramer vs Kramer. Don't have the words. Just watch the 2 silent scenes where the kid and Dustin make breakfast and eat it without a word. Pure poetry :-)

I must remember these when I watch crap and wonder why they call movie making an art and actors as artists !!

Rajneeti - as messy as politics

okay, just completed a marathon viewing of Rajneeti on one of those zillion websites which apparently put up fantastic copies of movies on the day of release. stop, please dont give me the moral sermon that I'm single handedly bringing down the movie industry..blah,blah. Here I am as close to the arctic as one can get in Finland (lovely country, no complaints) where ,forget about Hindi, even listening to English is as rare as darkness in summer (yes it doesnt get dark at all. its 1 am and the sky looks like 6 pm in India !!! ).

Anyway,enough of my stories, lets get to the movie. I was tempted into this by the trailers and I now feel that the trailers had the best parts of the movie (like most other movies !) ! No really !!
I mean , if you arrive 5 mins late in the theatre, then that is how much Naseeruddin Shah's screen time is . Why the hell have a promo for him ?? I really feel conned .

And why so much "shudh hindi" ?? I don't know if people really speak like this in hindi "heartlands" as they are called, but spare a thought for the "aam aadmi" my dear director. It took me 15 mins into the movie to get my mind and ears used to it.

NanaPatekar looks and sounds so good without his trademark ranting and shouting. Ajay Devgan broods,stares and delivers dialogues as he has done in 100 other romantic,action,emotional characters. God knows what people find in him. If all you want is a wooden performance make a tree stand and dub for it the next time. Manoj Bajpai acts and overacts. Ranbir Kapoor sleepwalks through the movie. I even spotted his eyes being half closed in the climax murder scene. (no he was not fainting !! )

The best performances were from Arjun Rampal and surprise,surprise Katrina Kaif. Arjun was really natural as the brash politician and Katrina's was the only character that had a proper graph and she really has made good use of it. And her own voice sounds so much better than those stupid sweet voices she is given in other films.

The story is Mahabharatha and Godfather put in a blender with some desi sentiments and songs added. The first half was all right, thanks to the uncountable number of characters and each one's introduction keeps the story moving. But once the director runs out of any more characters, he runs out of the story as well. I mean how bad can you direct a scene of Kunti revealing to Karna that he is her eldest son?? The scene just fizzled out like a can of opened diet coke. Neither fizz nor punch ! I can still remember how beautifully Maniratnam had done it in Thalapathy with Rajnikanth and Srividya. It still gives me goose bumps.

Anyway, I don't want to go on and on about every scene. Just felt like giving out about this epic s**t.

PS: This is what happens when your read and watch those numerous film reviews!! By the way the * in the last word are not my ratings ;-)

Of Idlis,vadas and volcanoes

Nostradamus was right on the spot when he said " the day the idlies turn dark, the skies will turn dark too" or was it the other way around "the day the skies turn dark with ash cloud from a fire spitting volcano under a glacier in an island in the middle of nowhere ...the idlies will turn dark " .

After months and days of planning and replanning and mindless running around , the big 4 (both our parents) were supposed to start tonight for their much talked about trip around europe. And that is when i thought i would impress them with my culinary skills and make them divine idlies and I soaked the rice and the dal. And this was where it all started !! All I needed half a cup more of this dal . Being the good "home maker " that I am , I always run out of things before realizing I dont have additional inventory, and then my crisis management skills come to the fore !!

Ok, I digress. I didnt want to use the poor cousin,the spilit urad dal (for idlies, thats blashphemous, thats the thalikara paruppu , you lesser mortals ), and went in for the big daddy , the whole black uraddal. But the gods had already spoken . No amount soaking in "hot " water could make it shed its coat !! Thats the story then , of my idlies going from fair and lovely to the unlookable!!

So yes I did it !! The moment I soaked in the black dal, the gods of idlies and medhu vadas(what, we dont have one ??!! I thought they had a picture in saravan bhavan) had had enough " this woman who makes idlies that are good enough to be the next WMDs, medhu vadas without holes, upmas that could compete with fevicol and eats cornflakes for breakfast is a disgrace to our race, and they spewed out tons and tons of venom and fire and ash !

And there my friends is my confession. Stop !! before even you start cursing me , i want to let you know, that justice has been swift !! Yes , my mixer died on me. It just stopped working when i was in the middle of the sinful act .

I'm now decoding the predictions on appalam like phulkas and tooth breaking chholes !!

PS: I know I sound better when I'm pouring my heart out when something goes wrong cursing the whole world than when I try to be funny !! Bear with me..I'm trying to remain upbeat and trying hard to see a silver lining in the ash cloud ;-) (there I go again !! )

On my lips now ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jMBsIUuvdA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt8kAQMYbJU

Things that make me PUKE !!!

*The age old (probably a british legacy) rifles that our policemen sported fighting the "terrorists" armed with grenades and AK 47s.Thank god for the NSG & Army.


*The new age "english" news channels telecasting terror attack 24/7 punctuating it with "these shots are exclusively shown on xxxx" (c'mon guys show some shame!!)


*Reporters showing us the aftermath of the attack on Taj and crying over burnt antique carpets and rare books and historical heritage pieces,when an equal number of lives were lost at CST.(probably a businessman's life or an antique carpet lost is equal to 5 aam aadmi's life in their world)



*A British survivor narrating her tale says "i was relieved when I saw the Indian gurkha arrive" ..My dear honourable lady ,for christ's sake he was a policeman and not a "gurkha"..take off your imperialist blinders for a moment please!!!


*Mr.Mammohan Singh in his address to the nation saying this attack comes from a "neighbouring country"!! oh that is such a great find!! i felt like shaking him at that precise moment !!with all due respects to his education and qualifications,I would've cheered if he had said that this came from militants in pakistan and we would not spare them even at the risk of sounding like george bush. To hell with his oxford and cambridge diplomacies!!


*the talk of "Spirit of Mumbai" and "spirit of India"...c'mon,after all this I have no spirit left in me at all.and if you are suggesting that the common man going back to work shows his spirit then you have got it wrong.what would a man earning Rs 20 a day,without a semblance of savings , do for his next meal if he doesn't go to work the next day after an attack?? it is not about spirit but survival.and btw it is only the business bigwigs surviving the attack who sat at their home watching TV and narrating their tales of survival,who could afford to not work till things get back to normalcy.


*Lighting candles for the martyrs!!! how long are we going to be doing these stupid symbolic Rang De basanti gestures !! If you really want to show your anger and distress march to the parliament/assembly and sit till those stupid politicians propose measures for tackling the issue and see to it that they implement it.


*people who say "I'm tired of indian politics,that's why I never vote".Guys,are you so stupid that you don't understand?? If you don't vote ,your vote will be cast by somebody for a party you don't support.ok if you don't support any party then don't complain.you have to choose a lesser evil,that's the choice we've got.



You can only choose between an inactive congress and a hyperactive BJP (at the national level),if you don't like them,then come up with an option,else don't complain.Just because you don't vote,these puppets in the parliament don't care about you and are not wary of you and they only cater to the so called voting masses and patronise them.

Madurai Veyil

the first thing that hits you(literally) as soon as you land in madurai is the heat !!! "madurai veyilla kazhudai kooda suthadhu" were words that rang in my ears(courtesy:my granny) almost everyday that i came back home roasted,burnt and dehydrated after all the "oor suthal". meaning not even donkeys roam around in madurai heat.

but paati,what do you do if the weather report reads hot,hotter and hottest all through the year!! stay at home she would say, but i chose the other option ..roam around as much as you can and get to the point where you no longer feel the heat ,you and the heat become one and the same ..

yeah chennai is also hot,infact the whole of tamilnadu except for those summer getaways kodai & ooty are always hot.but madurai veyil(heat) is something unique.feel it to know it. anyway it never deterred us from exploring the nook and corner of this city and we got so used to it that the once in a blue moon showers had us whining !!

the daily "ilaneer" (tender coconut) outside our college,the jigardhanda(a drink unique to madurai),the mug full of fruit juice in pazhamudircholai near periyar bus stand,the juicy,mouth watering melon pieces near arasaradi which we ate (licking the juice flowing to the elbow as if our life depended on it) all the way through the walk back home ...i bet you can't get these in a cool country !!

but what stays on are these..the paati selling the ilaneer dispersing some "gems"(!!) on how girls should behave seeing us girls giggling away , the annas selling juice at pazhamudhircholai and the akka at the melon shop ( not a shop really just a "thallu vandi-mobile trolley kind of ) saying endearinlgy" nalaikku kuudu da , parava illa" in that typical madurai lilting tamil( you can give it tomorrow dear,its ok)when you don't have the Rs 2 change for a piece of melon..

the nostalgia express

have been doing so much of blog hopping for the past 2 weeks and found a bunch of really interesting blogs.it was while reading one of these that i found myself going back in time...(imagine old movies' style tortoise mosquito coil going round and round).

It sucked. Dabbler hit the nail when he said nostalgia sucks..it means that you are growing old and things you grew up with are slowly but surely disappearing. anyway am not so old (!!) and i still have time to say all these things.still, a trip down the memory lane sure does give you a "i- don't- know- how -to- say- it- but- you- have- to- feel- it " kind of feeling!!!

after reading these blogs of mostly original,agmark tamilians i found the love of "chennai" run through their blogs..and this triggered a flurry of thoughts which threaten to explode my head if i don't put them down!!

Madurai !!! one word that can make me sit up from the deepest of sleep (well..that's a bit of an exaggeration!! ) and strain my ears to the point of them of growing an inch bigger even if i hear a passing reference to it.

i can go on and on on this place where i spent the best 6 years of my life ...but one post would not be enough. so will just put up things as and when they pop in my head and excuse me if i sound biased,coz i can't help it..