One

My dear little sunshine,

I see you and lose my sense of self.
I see you go through life like there is no tomorrow and I hope tomorrow will be a better place to be.
I hear you laugh and feel what real mirth is.
I feel your hug and know what it is to love someone truly unconditionally.
I see you delight at little things and realize that it doesn't take much to be happy.
I see you explore and realize what keeps us truly alive.
I see you stumble,fall,cry but never let your little self tire and wonder at the force of life.

As you go out into the big bad world, I fear for you.
Not because you will fail, but because you'll be made to fear failure.
Not because you will laugh out loud, but because it will sneer at your laughter.
Not because you will cry, but because you'll be called weak and made to hold your tears.

Whenever that happens just tell them this.

Life is not easy,it was never meant to be. The tears make you laugh louder , the fall makes you jump higher.

As you turn one,here is wishing that every time you fall , you rise higher and stronger than before.

Love
mamm mamm mamma (that's how you call me now)

PS: If ever you find this, please remind me to read it, atleast once, everyday !!
PPS: He turns 1 next month.(I might as well write one for his 18th birthday!! )

The first kiss of love

He kissed me.

It was not a lick, or a peck, nor a painful bite,

It was a kiss.

The sweetest and purest form of love.

Not once but twice,

As if to say ,

That it was indeed what it was.

To say any more ,

Would mean to distort its purity.

In Byron's words

"When age chills the blood, when our pleasures are past

For years fleet away with the wings of the dove
The dearest remembrance will still be the last,
Our sweetest memorial, the first kiss of love."

The little devil

He bites, spits and screams his head off,

He kicks, scratches and refuses to lie down,

He wriggles,pees and makes me feel helpless,

Just when I throw up my hands in exhaustion,

He snuggles and flashes one of his fleeting sleep grins,

And I lay there besotted for life,

The little devil sure knows his tricks !!

The wait...

I wait for the day you'll enter this world, kicking and screaming
I see a rainbow and imagine how you'll stare at it wide eyed the first time you see one
There is a snow fall and the ground is carpeted in white
The sun comes out and for a moment it looks like there are diamonds on the ground
How I wish you could see that.
I wonder if these things would even make sense to you
Will you snuggle with me on a rainy night and spin out imaginary tales
Or just dismiss me as an incurable romantic...
ah..the wait ..

Moral science class

Do you remember those unending moral science lessons we used to have at school? The ones where there was always a moral of the story at the end and how the teacher tried all the tricks just stopping short of drilling a hole into your brain and stuffing into it.

Well,our dear,kind and well meaning friends from bollywood, Karan Johar (with a 'K') and Shahrukh (marketing) Khaaann (from the epiglotis) decided that all eez infact not well with the world (as the other khan said),and that it was time the world got its moral science lesson from no less than the self proclaimed moral men of the hindi movie industry !!

And so they set upon in their mission of making "save the world " sorry, "my name is khan" (although the former suits it better). Now there is nothing wrong in making feel good movies or movies that are made to send home a message.

But when every scene in the movie(right from the titles) begins and ends with a "moral of the scene " narrated by no less than moral khan himself in that droning,flat voice for 3 hours I seriously begin praying for superman (cue:Homer simpson) to save me.Agreed that the leading man is autistic and that he cannot feel emotions,but how on earth does he wish that he could cry like his brother does? I mean, isn't that an emotion for god's sake ??

Picture this: Moral khan is in the middle of a busy road (in US of A) and suddenly gets a panic attack. He is on a tram track and the speeding tram just stops short of ramming into him. Everyone gets out and crowds around the man making him panic even more. Time for introduction of lady love. What does she do? Does she physically move him to the other side of the road and calm him down? Does she offer him water? No,people,this is a KKKaran johar movie. So out comes miss smarty pants and goes about offering a lecture on courage,facing life,struggling through life and basically all that an autistic man caught in he middle of the road in a panic attack doesn't want to hear. Now that is a master directorial touch.

After 30 minutes of sitting through this torture, I started feeling as if I was sitting on a chair waiting to be electrocuted. The endless phoenetic lessons on how to pronounce "Khan" didn't help much in reducing the pain.

So I'm off now to make my prayashcithams that my josiyar advised me to fulfill to wash off the sin.
3 back to back viewings of "Rain man" and one full reading of class V moral science book.

PS: Appeal to KKaran Johar. Please go back to making your "Krap" movies. Yes,they were no better,but at least I didn't end up feeling like stabbing the first living thing I saw !!

PPS:Mr.Saarukhan,we loved you as Rahul,Raj,Jai romancing in Alps. If that and the fact that you've been around from my school days have give you so much confidence that you can unleash such torture upon us, I take back all those wolf whistles,crushes etc that I had once upon a time.
Experience cannot in any way make up for talent. And that is the reason we love Rajinikanth. He sticks to what he does best,punch dialogues and feel good movies. Thalaivar vaazhga !!( ok that was unnecessary,but who cares ;-) )

Why Oh Why ??

Why is it that in most Indian movies the hero always has a side kick who exists mainly to provide comic relief,but also doubles up (or quadruples should I say) as a friend,philosopher and guide to the main man,while the poor leading lady is left all alone fending for herself.

So this is what I want to ask the "directors" even all those multiplex centred,shooting in abroad,yash raj,karan johar financed, yuppie ones !!

1.I agree you are a man (straight or gay,I don't care), and you can only think from a male perspective.But then stop saying that this is a "woman centric" movie and the woman has a "meaty"role.

2.When a guy is independent and career oriented,he still has a few at least sensible/not so sensible friends whom he can share a laugh with. When a girl is independent,she generally has no friends to start with or immediately lets go off all her friends to prove a point.why ?? I mean even the most arrogant,self centred,self obsessed women would need a few arrongant, self centred friends.

3.Why do the few friends that the girl seem to have always have to act so retarded and always seem to be in eternal fits of giggling. Yes,we girls giggle. In fact during college years we have attracted numerous raised eyebrows,and shaking heads during our gigglathons. But guys grow up !! This kind of stereo typing is as stupid as showing all guys as lecherous, rogues fantasizing about females all the time. But we know you are not that ..at least not always,right ?

The Curse

Her fears,tears and hesitations were not only hers. Her imaginations and dreams were not only hers. They were the same as so many others. So many others who were born along the same time as her, carrying the curse, the curse of cancerians. The curse that they have to brood about their past to the extent that they can never see the future. That they have to wallow in self doubt and insecurity making them hate themselves. That they will always try to please everyone and try becoming someone that they are not,that they can never be and end up being no one, not even their own self. That they wet their pillows fearing their future and worrying over the past and not enjoy the present.

They were not a passionate breed, they never really chased anything or anyone with passion. Little things comforted them and they got distracted easily.Even the disappointment of non achievement didn't fire them up. Though it haunted them, till their grave.

It had taken her so long to realize this. This omnipresent truth that there were millions like her in this world who have made decisions,taken initiatives only to see their self doubt completely take over themselves and make them go back into their shell.But she had also realized this.This other more powerful truth about the ones who have succeeded,probably not in the eyes of the world but in their own eyes.Succeeded in breaking self made barriers.

She was one of those brooders... forever covering herself in self pity. Forever blaming the whole world for all that she could have been but was not.But she had had enough. Enough of her tears, fears and hesitations. She could take no more of herself, at least her old pitiable, weepy self. She wanted to break free and see what the world looked like outside her shell.

And that she did. But not before burying it safely , just in case ...

musaafir hoon yaaron...

musaafir hoon yaaron,
na ghar hai, na thikana,
mujhe chalthe jaana hai,
bas chalthe jaana...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nCi5kwD1Y8