Wednesday, May 01, 2013

The Indian Dream

Common Name: Indian
Proper Name: Non Residentus Indianus
Category: Immigrant, IT professional
Growth Rate: Physically sideways, financially upwards and mentally stagnant
Origin: The great Indian subcontinent
Main characteristic: Confused

Other Characteristics : This category of human species is rapidly growing all around the world, especially in conducive environments i.e. English speaking countries which happen to have fledgling immigrant (read Indian,preferably speaking the same language) communities. They tend to take root very easily and are always on the lookout for similar species. They try to make the space around them resemble their place of origin so as to minimize their interaction with the native species.

Most feared characteristic: They often tend to lapse into nostalgia and speak fondly of their place of birth or where they grew up. The signs of this condition beginning to set in during a conversation are glazed eyes, staring at nothing in particular, mouth setting into a slight smile and a slow,deep sigh. As soon as one or more of these signs are spotted collect your belongings and run for the nearest exit !!

If not: If you are one of the first timers, then you will have to sit/stand through at least 30 minutes of paeans being sung about their place of birth,school(s) they went to, their first friend and teacher in kindergarten,days spent running around in the hot sun drinking tender coconut water,eating aloo tikki and samosas, first,second and third cousins, aunts,uncles and in-laws being remembered with love although back home they fight over why they were not invited personally to their kids' birthdays, parents reaching 60/80 years, and why they weren't greeted for their anniversaries. You would also learn that this year would be their last year in that country.

Impact: If you are someone who has never visited India(or the subcontinent) then this nostalgic trip down the memory lane will prompt you to take the next flight and land on this magical,utopian land where everyone loves everyone.

How to resist: Talk to the same person the next day about any recent scam/terrorist attack/state of the traffic/population etc and see the Indian dream come crashing down and how suddenly nothing good can come to "that country" and "those people".