Heart Breakers

I didn't believe people cried. I didnt believe that they were heartbroken when they left their babies in the care of strangers. I have heard stories but still all I could see was my tears, my pain and my heart being broken every time he cried, every time I left him screaming in some one else's arms and I was asked to just leave and close the door.

I saw it today. I saw the tears of a heartborken mother going back to her car just as I was leaving.She was fighting her tears, trying hard to swallow them. I stopped for a moment and looked at her. I wanted to hug her and say that it'll be allright,that things will get better. But I couldn't. How could I, when things are still not better for me. He still cries every morning when we drop him. Just when he seems to settle down, he catches some bug or the other, last week it was the vomiting bug then it is conjunctivits. Cough and cold are permanent residents of his body. So I just stood there hoping she'll be allright.

Oh, if only there was a balm for broken hearts !!

The List of the Unfathomable

Okay, here is the thing. I know he is a baby, and he is only 11 months old and he still doesnt understand adult world, still I cannot understand for the life of me why kids do (its not just my kid right?? oh please please say its just not him !!) the things they do . I guess I should cut him some slack for the very reason that I'm as confounded about baby world as he is about adult world. Anyway, a sample few from the exhaustive list of things he does to that drive me mad.

1. He is having his milk. He is all drowsy to the point of letting the milk leak from his mouth. Just when I begin to plan the million and one things that have been pending for as long as I can remember, he jumps up, throws the bottle aside and starts pushing the bar stool like a walker (you heard me right, a real heavy, bar stool).
2. I hold off on peeing for as long as I can,because I dread what comes after that, and when I can hold it no longer, I hand him over to his dad and enter the bathroom. He starts screaming and is having a meltdown, beacause apparently moms enter the toilet and escape through the hole into a land free from diapers and screaming babies never to return , right ?? So I keep talking to him from inside the toilet while peeing, and I dont think I can have a panic free pee, ever, even when he is not around !!
3.I feed him,change his nappy and hand him his favourite toy. Still, the moment he sees me sitting down with a meal, he dashes across the room ,pulls my legs, climbs up and starts playing with my plate. If there was one thing I hate to be pushed on, that was eating and now I eat standing, half sitting - half walking , half running . Speaking of which, I'm desperately trying to remember what I had for my last meal !!
4. Time it takes to microwave a coffee/tea= 1 minute
Possibility of the baby deciding to touch an electric socket, escape through the kitchen door and climb the stairs, shake the 40 inch TV, stumble,fall and cry or just plain "life me up this minute" cry at the very same minute - 100 %!!
No of times a coffee/tea can be microwaved before it loses any semblance of flavour or taste = umm, can't remember .
Chances of gulping down the said cold and lifeless coffee/tea after "accidentally" finding it , instead of throwing it down the drain - 200%

PS: Not the end ...

One

My dear little sunshine,

I see you and lose my sense of self.
I see you go through life like there is no tomorrow and I hope tomorrow will be a better place to be.
I hear you laugh and feel what real mirth is.
I feel your hug and know what it is to love someone truly unconditionally.
I see you delight at little things and realize that it doesn't take much to be happy.
I see you explore and realize what keeps us truly alive.
I see you stumble,fall,cry but never let your little self tire and wonder at the force of life.

As you go out into the big bad world, I fear for you.
Not because you will fail, but because you'll be made to fear failure.
Not because you will laugh out loud, but because it will sneer at your laughter.
Not because you will cry, but because you'll be called weak and made to hold your tears.

Whenever that happens just tell them this.

Life is not easy,it was never meant to be. The tears make you laugh louder , the fall makes you jump higher.

As you turn one,here is wishing that every time you fall , you rise higher and stronger than before.

Love
mamm mamm mamma (that's how you call me now)

PS: If ever you find this, please remind me to read it, atleast once, everyday !!
PPS: He turns 1 next month.(I might as well write one for his 18th birthday!! )

The first kiss of love

He kissed me.

It was not a lick, or a peck, nor a painful bite,

It was a kiss.

The sweetest and purest form of love.

Not once but twice,

As if to say ,

That it was indeed what it was.

To say any more ,

Would mean to distort its purity.

In Byron's words

"When age chills the blood, when our pleasures are past

For years fleet away with the wings of the dove
The dearest remembrance will still be the last,
Our sweetest memorial, the first kiss of love."