The List of the Unfathomable

Okay, here is the thing. I know he is a baby, and he is only 11 months old and he still doesnt understand adult world, still I cannot understand for the life of me why kids do (its not just my kid right?? oh please please say its just not him !!) the things they do . I guess I should cut him some slack for the very reason that I'm as confounded about baby world as he is about adult world. Anyway, a sample few from the exhaustive list of things he does to that drive me mad.

1. He is having his milk. He is all drowsy to the point of letting the milk leak from his mouth. Just when I begin to plan the million and one things that have been pending for as long as I can remember, he jumps up, throws the bottle aside and starts pushing the bar stool like a walker (you heard me right, a real heavy, bar stool).
2. I hold off on peeing for as long as I can,because I dread what comes after that, and when I can hold it no longer, I hand him over to his dad and enter the bathroom. He starts screaming and is having a meltdown, beacause apparently moms enter the toilet and escape through the hole into a land free from diapers and screaming babies never to return , right ?? So I keep talking to him from inside the toilet while peeing, and I dont think I can have a panic free pee, ever, even when he is not around !!
3.I feed him,change his nappy and hand him his favourite toy. Still, the moment he sees me sitting down with a meal, he dashes across the room ,pulls my legs, climbs up and starts playing with my plate. If there was one thing I hate to be pushed on, that was eating and now I eat standing, half sitting - half walking , half running . Speaking of which, I'm desperately trying to remember what I had for my last meal !!
4. Time it takes to microwave a coffee/tea= 1 minute
Possibility of the baby deciding to touch an electric socket, escape through the kitchen door and climb the stairs, shake the 40 inch TV, stumble,fall and cry or just plain "life me up this minute" cry at the very same minute - 100 %!!
No of times a coffee/tea can be microwaved before it loses any semblance of flavour or taste = umm, can't remember .
Chances of gulping down the said cold and lifeless coffee/tea after "accidentally" finding it , instead of throwing it down the drain - 200%

PS: Not the end ...