Moral science class

Do you remember those unending moral science lessons we used to have at school? The ones where there was always a moral of the story at the end and how the teacher tried all the tricks just stopping short of drilling a hole into your brain and stuffing into it.

Well,our dear,kind and well meaning friends from bollywood, Karan Johar (with a 'K') and Shahrukh (marketing) Khaaann (from the epiglotis) decided that all eez infact not well with the world (as the other khan said),and that it was time the world got its moral science lesson from no less than the self proclaimed moral men of the hindi movie industry !!

And so they set upon in their mission of making "save the world " sorry, "my name is khan" (although the former suits it better). Now there is nothing wrong in making feel good movies or movies that are made to send home a message.

But when every scene in the movie(right from the titles) begins and ends with a "moral of the scene " narrated by no less than moral khan himself in that droning,flat voice for 3 hours I seriously begin praying for superman (cue:Homer simpson) to save me.Agreed that the leading man is autistic and that he cannot feel emotions,but how on earth does he wish that he could cry like his brother does? I mean, isn't that an emotion for god's sake ??

Picture this: Moral khan is in the middle of a busy road (in US of A) and suddenly gets a panic attack. He is on a tram track and the speeding tram just stops short of ramming into him. Everyone gets out and crowds around the man making him panic even more. Time for introduction of lady love. What does she do? Does she physically move him to the other side of the road and calm him down? Does she offer him water? No,people,this is a KKKaran johar movie. So out comes miss smarty pants and goes about offering a lecture on courage,facing life,struggling through life and basically all that an autistic man caught in he middle of the road in a panic attack doesn't want to hear. Now that is a master directorial touch.

After 30 minutes of sitting through this torture, I started feeling as if I was sitting on a chair waiting to be electrocuted. The endless phoenetic lessons on how to pronounce "Khan" didn't help much in reducing the pain.

So I'm off now to make my prayashcithams that my josiyar advised me to fulfill to wash off the sin.
3 back to back viewings of "Rain man" and one full reading of class V moral science book.

PS: Appeal to KKaran Johar. Please go back to making your "Krap" movies. Yes,they were no better,but at least I didn't end up feeling like stabbing the first living thing I saw !!

PPS:Mr.Saarukhan,we loved you as Rahul,Raj,Jai romancing in Alps. If that and the fact that you've been around from my school days have give you so much confidence that you can unleash such torture upon us, I take back all those wolf whistles,crushes etc that I had once upon a time.
Experience cannot in any way make up for talent. And that is the reason we love Rajinikanth. He sticks to what he does best,punch dialogues and feel good movies. Thalaivar vaazhga !!( ok that was unnecessary,but who cares ;-) )

Why Oh Why ??

Why is it that in most Indian movies the hero always has a side kick who exists mainly to provide comic relief,but also doubles up (or quadruples should I say) as a friend,philosopher and guide to the main man,while the poor leading lady is left all alone fending for herself.

So this is what I want to ask the "directors" even all those multiplex centred,shooting in abroad,yash raj,karan johar financed, yuppie ones !!

1.I agree you are a man (straight or gay,I don't care), and you can only think from a male perspective.But then stop saying that this is a "woman centric" movie and the woman has a "meaty"role.

2.When a guy is independent and career oriented,he still has a few at least sensible/not so sensible friends whom he can share a laugh with. When a girl is independent,she generally has no friends to start with or immediately lets go off all her friends to prove a point.why ?? I mean even the most arrogant,self centred,self obsessed women would need a few arrongant, self centred friends.

3.Why do the few friends that the girl seem to have always have to act so retarded and always seem to be in eternal fits of giggling. Yes,we girls giggle. In fact during college years we have attracted numerous raised eyebrows,and shaking heads during our gigglathons. But guys grow up !! This kind of stereo typing is as stupid as showing all guys as lecherous, rogues fantasizing about females all the time. But we know you are not that ..at least not always,right ?

The Curse

Her fears,tears and hesitations were not only hers. Her imaginations and dreams were not only hers. They were the same as so many others. So many others who were born along the same time as her, carrying the curse, the curse of cancerians. The curse that they have to brood about their past to the extent that they can never see the future. That they have to wallow in self doubt and insecurity making them hate themselves. That they will always try to please everyone and try becoming someone that they are not,that they can never be and end up being no one, not even their own self. That they wet their pillows fearing their future and worrying over the past and not enjoy the present.

They were not a passionate breed, they never really chased anything or anyone with passion. Little things comforted them and they got distracted easily.Even the disappointment of non achievement didn't fire them up. Though it haunted them, till their grave.

It had taken her so long to realize this. This omnipresent truth that there were millions like her in this world who have made decisions,taken initiatives only to see their self doubt completely take over themselves and make them go back into their shell.But she had also realized this.This other more powerful truth about the ones who have succeeded,probably not in the eyes of the world but in their own eyes.Succeeded in breaking self made barriers.

She was one of those brooders... forever covering herself in self pity. Forever blaming the whole world for all that she could have been but was not.But she had had enough. Enough of her tears, fears and hesitations. She could take no more of herself, at least her old pitiable, weepy self. She wanted to break free and see what the world looked like outside her shell.

And that she did. But not before burying it safely , just in case ...

musaafir hoon yaaron...

musaafir hoon yaaron,
na ghar hai, na thikana,
mujhe chalthe jaana hai,
bas chalthe jaana...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nCi5kwD1Y8

Ring in the new ...

Trying out a new look for the blog. Hoping to try out diferent ones in the coming days . It's summer after all (well, we do get to see quite a lot of the "sun" ). Just changed the template today, got to do a few more changes later on. Hold your breath ;-)

Hail Dustin Hoffman

Just as a "prayashchitham" (can't remember the exact word in English) for y'day's 3 hours crap in the name of movie, I went on to watch that one movie I've been wanting to watch since the day I discovered Dustin Hoffman .. "Kramer vs Kramer". No words are enough for this film or the man. He is a truly a wizard ., and he keeps you spell bound when he is on screen. I've often caught myself gaping at the screen forgetting to blink.

It was "Tootsie" that introduced me to his artistry. (Yep the hollywood avvai shanmughi along with Mrs.Doubtfire ). You have to watch him for just the ease in which he flip flops between the male and female characters and the dead pan humour. Classic !!
And then of course , "The Rainman". How interesting could you make a character that can feel no emotions?? No laughter,no tears, no anger..nothing.Just a smile once in a while, ohhh..and still you could watch him for 120 mins without even realizing it.

And now, Kramer vs Kramer. Don't have the words. Just watch the 2 silent scenes where the kid and Dustin make breakfast and eat it without a word. Pure poetry :-)

I must remember these when I watch crap and wonder why they call movie making an art and actors as artists !!

Rajneeti - as messy as politics

okay, just completed a marathon viewing of Rajneeti on one of those zillion websites which apparently put up fantastic copies of movies on the day of release. stop, please dont give me the moral sermon that I'm single handedly bringing down the movie industry..blah,blah. Here I am as close to the arctic as one can get in Finland (lovely country, no complaints) where ,forget about Hindi, even listening to English is as rare as darkness in summer (yes it doesnt get dark at all. its 1 am and the sky looks like 6 pm in India !!! ).

Anyway,enough of my stories, lets get to the movie. I was tempted into this by the trailers and I now feel that the trailers had the best parts of the movie (like most other movies !) ! No really !!
I mean , if you arrive 5 mins late in the theatre, then that is how much Naseeruddin Shah's screen time is . Why the hell have a promo for him ?? I really feel conned .

And why so much "shudh hindi" ?? I don't know if people really speak like this in hindi "heartlands" as they are called, but spare a thought for the "aam aadmi" my dear director. It took me 15 mins into the movie to get my mind and ears used to it.

NanaPatekar looks and sounds so good without his trademark ranting and shouting. Ajay Devgan broods,stares and delivers dialogues as he has done in 100 other romantic,action,emotional characters. God knows what people find in him. If all you want is a wooden performance make a tree stand and dub for it the next time. Manoj Bajpai acts and overacts. Ranbir Kapoor sleepwalks through the movie. I even spotted his eyes being half closed in the climax murder scene. (no he was not fainting !! )

The best performances were from Arjun Rampal and surprise,surprise Katrina Kaif. Arjun was really natural as the brash politician and Katrina's was the only character that had a proper graph and she really has made good use of it. And her own voice sounds so much better than those stupid sweet voices she is given in other films.

The story is Mahabharatha and Godfather put in a blender with some desi sentiments and songs added. The first half was all right, thanks to the uncountable number of characters and each one's introduction keeps the story moving. But once the director runs out of any more characters, he runs out of the story as well. I mean how bad can you direct a scene of Kunti revealing to Karna that he is her eldest son?? The scene just fizzled out like a can of opened diet coke. Neither fizz nor punch ! I can still remember how beautifully Maniratnam had done it in Thalapathy with Rajnikanth and Srividya. It still gives me goose bumps.

Anyway, I don't want to go on and on about every scene. Just felt like giving out about this epic s**t.

PS: This is what happens when your read and watch those numerous film reviews!! By the way the * in the last word are not my ratings ;-)

Of Idlis,vadas and volcanoes

Nostradamus was right on the spot when he said " the day the idlies turn dark, the skies will turn dark too" or was it the other way around "the day the skies turn dark with ash cloud from a fire spitting volcano under a glacier in an island in the middle of nowhere ...the idlies will turn dark " .

After months and days of planning and replanning and mindless running around , the big 4 (both our parents) were supposed to start tonight for their much talked about trip around europe. And that is when i thought i would impress them with my culinary skills and make them divine idlies and I soaked the rice and the dal. And this was where it all started !! All I needed half a cup more of this dal . Being the good "home maker " that I am , I always run out of things before realizing I dont have additional inventory, and then my crisis management skills come to the fore !!

Ok, I digress. I didnt want to use the poor cousin,the spilit urad dal (for idlies, thats blashphemous, thats the thalikara paruppu , you lesser mortals ), and went in for the big daddy , the whole black uraddal. But the gods had already spoken . No amount soaking in "hot " water could make it shed its coat !! Thats the story then , of my idlies going from fair and lovely to the unlookable!!

So yes I did it !! The moment I soaked in the black dal, the gods of idlies and medhu vadas(what, we dont have one ??!! I thought they had a picture in saravan bhavan) had had enough " this woman who makes idlies that are good enough to be the next WMDs, medhu vadas without holes, upmas that could compete with fevicol and eats cornflakes for breakfast is a disgrace to our race, and they spewed out tons and tons of venom and fire and ash !

And there my friends is my confession. Stop !! before even you start cursing me , i want to let you know, that justice has been swift !! Yes , my mixer died on me. It just stopped working when i was in the middle of the sinful act .

I'm now decoding the predictions on appalam like phulkas and tooth breaking chholes !!

PS: I know I sound better when I'm pouring my heart out when something goes wrong cursing the whole world than when I try to be funny !! Bear with me..I'm trying to remain upbeat and trying hard to see a silver lining in the ash cloud ;-) (there I go again !! )

On my lips now ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jMBsIUuvdA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt8kAQMYbJU